Tuesday 17 March 2009

How did I get here..?

I don't mean 'how did I get here' literally. If I had no idea how I'd come to exist then it'd be no great surprise that I have no offspring of my own. No, I fully understand about the birds and the bees, thankyouverymuch. What I don't quite get, is how come the ability to reproduce has eluded me. What did I do wrong? Was I something evil in a past life..I don't know, a murderer or Arsenal fan perhaps?
The saying 'we always want what we can't have' is oh so true. Let me explain...
Until maybe three years ago, the idea of having children just didn't really appeal. Well, not yet anyway. I always thought I'd have a family, I just wasn't sure (and didn't care) when. Fast forward three years. I'm almost 33, married for 3 1/2 years and have been with my husband Liam for almost 11 years. Partying was always our favourite pastime; children didn't just quite feature in our clubbing lifestyle. Well, they wouldn't, would they? You can't exactly strap the little'un on your back and head out to Pacha, white gloves and whistle in your baby bag.
So, when I finally decided the time was right to hang up my raving shoes (not completely, just rest them a little) and start babymaking, I thought it'd be a doddle. I mean, I'd spent the last 15 years trying my darndest NOT to get preggers, so now I'd changed my mind it was as simple as ditching the birth control pills, right? WRONG. What seems to be the easiest thing in the world for most girls (emphasis on girls here, since I'm surrounded by fertile 15yr olds bearing huge bumps at every turn), has become a mission of epic proportions for me...
I'd had some abnormal cells removed from my cervix some years ago and had been warned I should start a family sooner rather than later. 'Yeah, yeah,' I'd replied, dismissing the idea with a flick of the hand. 'Whatever...'
Now, when I'd tried to conceive for eighteen months to no avail and had been referred to the Subfertility section of my local hospital, it all came flooding back.
Cue an endless round of tests, prodding and probing questions and examinations. Then came a (botched) HSG to see if my tubes were blocked, then a laparoscopy and dye to check in more detail, then the result: complete salpingitis in both tubes. Oh. Bummer. Then came another operation to remove the offending tubes and the fluid that was contained in them. This, I'm told, may increase the chances of my next treatment working more effectively due to the removal of the toxic fluid which can drip down from the tubes and cause a miscarriage. After all this surgery, I need a break...

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